A Unified Theory of Sandwich Physics

There is a method to it all, and sandwiches are not the exception.

Grilled cheese and PB&J (peanut butter and jelly for the uninitiated) sandwiches have been staples for young children everywhere, and part of the recipe repertoire of anyone who has the biological need to eat, from babbling babies to potheads to the most illustrious members of our society.

But there are many more wonders in the sandwich horizon - a plethora of deliciousness delicately stacked between two (or more) pieces of bread.

You can make a sandwich of just about anything; the possibilities of bread and ingredient combinations are quite literally endless...just take a look at this short list: Bacon butty, Butterbrot, Banh Mi, Barros Jarpa, Barros Luco, BLT, Caprese, Cheesesteak, Choripán, Club sandwich, Croque-monsieur , Fluffernutter, Grilled cheese, Gyros, Hamburger, Happy Waitress, Hero sandwich, Hoagie, Hot dog, Tuna melt, Muffuletta, Panini, Po' boy, Reuben sandwich, Sloppy Joe, Submarine sandwich, Torta, Treble- or triple-decker
Tuna Salad .... and these are just the most popular ones, or the ones people have agreed to name. WOW!

Oh I know what you are thinking:

"How is it possible that there be so many combinations of ingredients yet so much simplicity, each a perfectly balanced culinary masterpiece waiting to explode in a million particles of exquisite taste and aroma?"

"How can I, wretched little me devoid of the smallest ounce of food-preparing ability, ever even aspire to understand, let alone master, the secrets of such wonderful craft?" [hyperventilation, cold sweat, abundant salivation]

Let us take a deep breath now. Please don't let this sudden wave of choices and mouth-watering goodness overwhelm you.

As I said before, there is a method... a secret formula for which great women and men have embarked on many a dangerous quest across the ages to obtain what I am about to reveal to you today: A Unified Theory of Sandwich Physics (UTSP or ootspee)

Needless to say, this knowledge will open doors for you, bring fortune, fame and the attention of the opposite sex, or that for which you have a preference or appetite. Just remember that with this GREAT power comes great responsibility...use it for good, not evil.

With that said I bestow upon you the four elements of ...

A Unified Theory of Sandwich Physics

1: Soft fillings are best served on soft breads.

2: When wet ingredients, such as tomatoes are used, a thin coating of mayonnaise, butter, cream cheese or oil should be applied to the bread as a moisture barrier.

3: Avoid placing layers of slippery, slidy substances next to one another.

4: Never, ever use a bread you wouldn't eat on its own.

Now take a minute to digest this revelation.

And now some challenges to test your new skill:


CUBAN SANDWICH (SANDWICH CUBANO)
4 hoagie rolls
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
1/4 pound baked ham, thinly sliced
1/4 pound roast pork, thinly sliced
1/4 pound provolone cheese, thinly sliced
10 thin dill pickle slices, approximately
2 whole pickles
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, room temperature


Slice the bread horizontally in half, leaving 1 edge intact. Lay the bread open and spread each side with the mustard. Divide the ingredients evenly among the slices of roll. Start with the ham followed by the pork, cheese, and dill pickles. Bring the tops and bottoms together.

Heat your panini maker or sandwich press. Butter each side of the press. Place the sandwiches inside, press down and grill until the cheese is melted and the bread is flat and browned, approximately 10 minutes. If you don't have a sandwich press, you can heat 6 fireplace bricks wrapped in foil, in a 500 degrees F oven for 1 hour and then press the sandwich between them for 10 minutes. Serve warm.



PAN BAGNAT
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 baguette, approximately 16 to 18 inches long
12 ounces canned tuna packed in oil or water, drained and crumbled
1 small green pepper, sliced into rings
1 small red onion, sliced into rings
2 hard-boiled eggs, sliced
1 cup chopped kalamata olives
1 tomato, thinly sliced

In a small mixing bowl, whisk together the red wine vinegar, mustard, salt, and pepper. While continuing to whisk, gradually add the olive oil. Whisk until an emulsion forms. Set aside.

Slice the baguette horizontally into 2 pieces. Tear out some of the soft bread in the center of each side, making a slight well in the bread. Place the tuna, green pepper, red onion, hard-boiled eggs, olives, and tomato on the bottom side of the bread in that order. Drizzle the vinaigrette over the vegetables, top with the second piece of bread, and wrap tightly in plastic wrap. Let stand at room temperature for 2 hours before serving.

Cut into 4 sandwiches and serve.

More Sandwich Styles (Link).